Listening with Your Eyes

Most of us remember a grade school teacher saying, "Class, eyes up here," just to make sure we were paying attention. I used a similar phrase with my own kids whenever we were listening to a speaker or sitting in church. My boys probably grew tired of hearing me say, "Listen with your eyes."

Today, that phrase feels more relevant than ever.

The distractions are different now. For many people, attention isn't drifting, it's being actively pulled. A growing portion of our population struggles to separate their eyes from a screen, even when another human being is right in front of them.

Years ago, I learned about the different ways people absorb information. Some of us learn best by seeing. Others by hearing. A smaller group by doing. The exact percentages matter less than the takeaway: visual engagement plays a larger role in understanding than we often admit.

If you've ever sat in a meeting or a small group and quietly scanned the room, you've probably noticed how few people are truly visually present. Heads down. Eyes wandering. Multitasking disguised as listening.

As a speaker, it's humbling to realize how rare real eye contact can be. As a listener, it's even more revealing to notice how much more you understand when you stay visually engaged.

This matters far beyond meetings.

In sales, in leadership, and in everyday relationships, attention cannot be faked. People sense immediately when your eyes are somewhere else. If you genuinely want to understand someone, you have to be willing to look at them. Not stare. Just be present.

Listening with your eyes means connecting what you're seeing with what you're hearing. Body language. Facial expressions. Small pauses. These often communicate more than words. When you discipline yourself to notice them, conversations change.

The risk, if we don't, is subtle but real. We become visually deaf. Trust erodes. Conversations grow thinner. Relationships suffer, not from lack of words, but from lack of presence.

A few simple habits help. Put your eyes on people before you put them on a screen. If you're taking notes or filling out information, look up before you ask each question. And if you sense someone doubts whether you were listening, repeat back what you heard. Clarity restores trust.

Listening with your eyes is not a technique. It's a posture.

And in a distracted world, it may be one of the most meaningful ways we show respect.

* credit to Janice Tazbir, Associate Professor, Purdue University-Calumet